Love and the Destiny Paradox – Fate vs. Free Will

What we believe shapes our world and no more so than in the area of relationships. Do you believe there’s one special ‘soul mate’ out there for you and that when you meet them you will be overwhelmed by a feeling of love at first sight or just ‘know’ you are destined to be together? If so, you are high in what psychologists call ‘destiny beliefs’ – the feeling that your life is ‘fated’ in some way.

If however, you believe that there are many people out there with whom you can have a deep soul connection, that often relationships become more important over time and that working together through challenges can strengthen your connection then you have what is known as a ‘growth belief’ – that relationships require effort and that love is everywhere but you may have to look for it.

Of course, there are many examples out there of people who have fallen in love at first sight and are still together 30 years later just as there are examples of people who took their time getting to know their partners only to end up in the divorce court a few years’ down the track. Nothing as complex as human relationships can be expected to conform to any given system. However, what we focus on becomes our truth. If we truly believe that there is only one person out there that can make us happy we automatically limit ourselves. For example, we may cling to a relationship that is toxic or no longer serves our growth because we believe there is no one else out there for us. Or if we lose our partner we may believe we are now ‘fated’ to be alone for the rest of our lives condemning ourselves to loneliness.

I firmly believe that there are many souls with whom we have entered into soul contracts with often over several lifetimes. Together we agree to cross paths once more. Often these souls have much to teach us in soul-growth terms – that’s part of the contract and there’s no doubt we often do our greatest growth in relationships. However, while we can say therefore that encountering these souls is ‘fated’ or part of our destiny, we always have free will. We can choose whether we get involved with them or not, or if we do, how long we remain in the relationship. Soul contracts can be changed at any time – this is how free will works.

And as for there being only one special ‘soul mate’ who can make us truly happy – that doesn’t say much for the unlimited abundance of the universe! Each and every one of us has many many special soul connections with others forged over many lifetimes. And with seven billion souls on the planet do you really believe there is only one destined for you?

It’s clearly no better to have a ‘destiny’ or a ‘growth’ belief. We need to have a ‘destined for growth’ belief that operates across all aspects of our lives. When we see ourselves as being here to fulfil a destiny that includes growth in all areas of our lives – including our relationships, we set up a belief system that allows us all true abundance.